It Started with a Bang and Ended with a Box
by Pianoninja
Summary: TRIGGER WARNING: Suicide. Death. Grief. Basically this is some real angsty shit and I'm sorry ok? ONE SHOT AU Set in Veritas (S6E22) - No real way to summarise without spoilers. Enjoy!


**Right, couple of things, won't take a minute, that said if you don't care then feel free to carry on to the fic.**

**Firstly: This is EVER SO angsty, like it is probably the most depressing things I've written and what I'm going to tell you next is going to make you think that this is me getting stuff out, but I actually started writing this like months ago. However TRIGGER WARNING: Suicide. Death. Grief.**

**Secondly: I am totally aware that I haven't updated in ages and I also know that I'm really bad at it. Previously it was just college work and generally not having time, and I know that some of you reading 'Nothing Good Ever Comes From Murder' have expressed your distaste for my non-existent updating schedule. Not too long a go I was planning to get my shit in order with fanfiction after I had shaved my head (for charity) because I would have more time now I wasn't fundraising. However, that isn't going to be possible now because unfortunately my Mum passed away unexpectedly on Tuesday 17th February (I'm only 18 - just to put that in perspective. Not that I'm saying it would be any easier were I older or younger) so as you can imagine there is a lot going on for me at the moment with arrangements as well as the shock and grief I'm experiencing. I'm aware that how I've written this may sound very robotic but I didn't want to write anymore than needed (because this is already an essay omg) and I just wanted to get that out there to let you know that if I don't update for a while, which to be honest wouldn't be unusual, or my updates are rubbish or super duper angsty like this one then that is probably the reason why.**

**Thanks Guys,**

**Rona x**

Coughing weakly as the vodka burned at her throat and chest, Kate was swaying with the room "relax…it's almost over" the rough voice echoed around her ears.

'It's almost over' she thought back to herself, it wasn't meant to end this way, she was supposed to expose him and avenge her mother's murder. She had failed in the one thing she has been striving for for years while she sent down hundreds of New York's thugs and psychopaths, bringing justice to the victims' families, all the while her own personal demon sat there untouchable.

Now she was sat, with a gun to her head, knowing that when they found her the evidence would point to a suicide, the DA would never give anyone the leeway to investigate Bracken, it would all seem so reasonable to any onlooker that she choose to end her life.

With her own finger curled around the trigger of the pistol she let thoughts drift to her parents, whispered her apology for leaving her father, for letting her mother down, and Castle, she confessed her incomprehensible love for him over and over in her head until the she felt the force of the finger against hers.

It ended with a bang.

Castle walked along the corridor and opened the door slowly and quietly, closing it gently as he called out

"Kate? I'm back." He turned around, fiddling with the car keys in his blazer pocket until he saw her limp body slumped sideways on the wooden chair. There was deep crimson blood splattered on the wall nearby and he experienced everything slowing down around him as his heart thumped against the wall of his chest. He moved towards her as quickly as he could, the time it took him to cross the room felt like days before he reached her and spotted the bloody wound on her scalp. He ran his eyes down her body, reluctant to touch her and discover his fears were actually founded, to see a gun hanging limply from her hand, her index finger hooked in to it, keeping it hovering just above the floor. "Kate?" a weak croak tumbled from his dry lips, his face paled considerably when he gained no reply from her. "Kate? Please God Kate" he fumbled and took her hand in his, her skin was cool to the touch and she made no movement or reaction. A small and almost silent cry escaped from deep in his chest as he pulled her body off the chair, into him as his knees buckled onto the floor beneath him. He cradled her motionless body in his arms, feeling her blood drip onto his hands and seep onto his shirt. He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket and took away one hand from stroking her hair, pulling it from his pocket and answering after a few attempts.

"Hello?" he croaked out dryly,

_"Castle? What's going on?"_ Ryan sounded concerned from the other end of the phone, calling his partner over with a wave of his hand.

"Kate…she…Jesus Ryan" he stopped, moving a chestnut curl from her face.

_"Castle? You still there bro?"_ he heard Esposito's voice coming closer to the phone.

"Bracken…this is him, I know it is!" Castle struggled to concentrate on the pair's questioning.

_"Castle dude, you're scaring me now…where's Kate?"_ He continued to look down at her face, studying her features.

"She's gone" he couldn't bring himself to say 'that word', "They got to her."

The duo walked into the cheap hotel room, guns raised at the ready in case any of Bracken's guys happened to return, although that would be fairly unlikely if they had a brain cell between them. All the same they would have been happier to see that than the heart-breaking sight they were greeted with as they simultaneously lowered their guns and closed the door behind them.

"Shit" Javier Esposito exclaimed under his breath as Ryan gagged at seeing the lifeless body of the woman who was essentially his surrogate sister in front of him. Castle was sitting cross legged on the floor, still cradling her in his arms and planting light, soft kisses against her forehead, being careful to avoid the gunshot wound as though he was in danger of inflicting pain on her.

"Jesus Christ Castle please tell me she didn't…" Ryan begged of the man, his face almost matching Kate's in colour.

"No!" Castle sounded adamant "How could you even think she would do this? This was them. This was them and I'm going to prove it!"

"Alright Rick" Espo gently lay his hand on the writer's shoulder, looking down at the body in his arms, "we know, and we're going to help you."

Almost as soon as the local police division arrived at the scene, and started cordoning everything in the room off, Lanie Parish arrived via a lift from one of the uniforms and Esposito was forced to restrain her as she cried and screamed Kate's name over and over again, the tears flowing violently down her face as she showed her devastation at the loss of her best friend. The four of them were then soon forced to leave the site, and the drive back to the twelfth was painfully silent other than a call from Captain Gates sounding unusually emotional as she queried the death of her best detective and felt helpless questioning how the others were holding up.

When the group arrived in bull pen Esposito caught sight of Captain Donovan and all of his pent up rage flew from his chest like shrapnel, yelling and lashing out at his superior as Ryan and two other officers fought to keep him away.

"This is your fault!" he bellowed, spittle flying from his mouth with the words, "she would be alive if it weren't for you and your stupid investigations! SHE COULDN'T KILL ANY ONE IF SHE TRIED YOU INSENSITIVE ASSHOLE!" The grey haired older man left with one harsh, hissed sentence

"Yet she managed to kill herself." Earning him a snarl, much like that of a Rottweiler from a still restrained Javier Esposito.

Castle took on the task of telling Jim Beckett himself, getting a cab to his flat as soon as he left the twelfth. He watched as all the hope and all the determination went out in the older man's eyes, knowing it was never to re-ignite. He held him in his arms, tried to fight the bottle of whiskey from his hands but to no avail.

Just two days later the body of Jim Beckett was found in front of his wife's grave, an empty bottle in his hand and a fatal amount of sedative in his blood stream. He left a note in shaky black ink which simply read

_ "I couldn't protect her."_

A number of people were judgemental, seeing the man as weak and cowardly. Surprisingly, Martha was the one to set them all straight, the death of a man she had grown quite fond of hitting her hard.

Two weeks later, the memory of her funeral so raw and fresh in everyone's minds, the three boys and Lanie sat in a circle on the floor in the lounge of Kate's flat, a cardboard box of her belongings from the precinct in front of them.

Esposito pulled out the little wooden stick man that Rick had spent a day badgering her about, looking at it in confusion. Rick then took hold of it tenderly in is hands like a new born baby and told them the story, for it would later go on to stand between where Kate and Jim were buried for longer than we know. He would greet it as 'Stickhead' every time he visited her and he tasked it with the job of keeping its watchful eye over her when he couldn't be around. One particularly windy day in the fall of 2017 he would go to the grave and discover that 'Stickhead' wasn't there, then spend three and half hours searching the grounds in the freezing cold to later find him in a tree. He would hold the dishevelled and damp little figure in his hands, picking dead leaf from the bits of string holding him together and chastise him for leaving her.

Castle then pulled out the battered old watch and gold chain which Kate wore every day without fail, she told him once that once she was gone she would have no reason to wear the chain anymore because she would be finally reunited with her Mother. With a catch in her throat she added that the same would apply should her Dad go before her which was quite likely. He went on to remove the $30,000 Rolex from his own wrist, replacing it with the one worn by Kate and Jim previously. Another little thing that he would never ever change and the only time he would not wear it would be six years later when the strap breaks and he reluctantly has to leave it at a repair shop for a week. This was after they told him it would take a hell of a long time to find the right strap for such an old watch and he'd be better off buying a new one, to which he would reply with a sigh, and an explanation to the young man that if he didn't get that watch looking exactly the same he would have to find himself another meaningless job, and walk out in a grump

He then went on to take the gold chain delicately between his thumb and forefinger, laying the attached ring on the palm of his hand. He then looked slowly over to Lanie who was opposite him, fingers interlaced with Javier's and tears flowing freely down her dark features despite her fight. On making eye contact with Castle she inhaled sharply, with a short shake of her head. To which the writer replied slowly,

"she wanted you to have it" and passed over the precious piece of jewellery to the ME, watching her place it round her neck and admire the petite ring.

Next Ryan reached forward into the box, pulling out a dusty cream piece of lined paper with '_Rick_' swirled neatly on the front of it. On picking it up he gestured to Castle, showing him the ink on the article, then continued to unfold the paper when Rick gave him a simple nod of his head to read it to the group.

_"Dear Rick"_ he began, pausing to clear his throat of the emotion building up in his chest. Lanie reached out and took his hand in her own, giving it a supportive squeeze.

_"I don't know how much time I have even to write this letter. What I do know now is that I'm in this and the only way I'm going to make it out alive is to see this through. I'm sure everyone is looking for me and if they figure out I was here CSU is going to search this house. They're going to look for blood and they will find it, which will lead them to this letter. Babe it's your letter, and I hope you never have to read this, that I can tell you all of these things in person. But if something happens and I don't make it, I need you to know that our partnership, our relationship, is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. You're an amazing man and I love you with all of my heart. Always."_ The Irishman bowed his head, folding the letter up and passing it to the writer who stared at it longingly, tracing the letters of his name gently with his finger.

"CSU did find it" Lanie broke the silence to offer an explanation to the trio. "It was hidden in an air vent in the old house they were keeping her in when she was acting as Elena Markov." Rick closed his eyes slowly, took a deep breath and after a while spoke softly;

"She thought she was going to die that day, in something that stepped was over the line of duty, keeping people safe. Instead she died a criminal in the eyes of the public, a coward in the eyes of the DA." Esposito placed a firm hand on his friend's arm,

"We are going to find them" the detective reassured. Castle then replied with a twinkle in his eye,

"Oh I know. We are going to find those bastards and their twisted ring leader and so help me I am going to give them what Beckett would have and a hell of a lot more."

**Thanks for reading m'lovelies, let me know what you think? A review might make me smile. x**


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